Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Armani the menace

My mother says Armani's name should have been "Dennis the Menace". It is hard to emphasis this enough. Armani is a serious troublemaker. Yes, I know, many people have horses who are "trouble". They haven't met Armani. Armani is "that horse" at the barn. The one the other owners refuse to lead or have their horses turned out with. The one people walk all-the-way-around when he is cross tied. And no - I'm not proud of it. I'm proud that with consistent discipline he is better than he was.

Some highlights from his past exploits:

- He escapes frequently, often more than once per day. This is still a problem. Latches, knots, tall fences and electric are no obstacle.
- His vices are mares - especially "blondes" (palomino, dun...) - and food. He is a devil at supper time.
- After escaping one day, he jumped into the much larger stallion (now a gelding) paddock and picked a fight. Armani was slammed into a telephone pole fence post. It broke. The fight continued. I had to break that fight up all alone. Oh ya, and Armani tried again days later.
- He got bored while stalled at his first show. Undid a slide latch and a kick bolt and went for a romp around the grounds.
- At another show I was in the dressing room when I felt a nose in my behind. He had untied himself from the trailer and climbed half-way into the dressing room with me.
- He was a confirmed nipper when I got him. That's now better. For the first time, I let a child pet him at a show.
- Once I had him cross tied. I turned away momentarily. I let my guard down. When I turned back he reared and socked my nose.
- He is obstinate under saddle and he can argue all day. During one long argument he nearly knocked himself out by hitting a tree head-on.
- While I was on vacation last year, he wouldn't let himself be caught. When he finally was caught, he pinned the teenage barn girl against the fence and kicked her.

So it is with considerable trepidation that I answer calls from my barn owner. "Oh, Hi... Is Armani being good?... Oh, dear... Oh, no... I'm awfully sorry."

This time he had gotten lose. He alluded three people and got into her vegetable garden. He ate the lettuce but worse - he ate the tomatoes and broccoli too, she told me. Who knew horses ate broccoli?

My vacation is coming up next week. I dread the calls I'll get while I'm supposed to be relaxing on the beach...

8 comments:

Stephanie said...

Oh My!! I have to tell you that picture instantly made me laugh! Sorry lol! Still giggling over the thought of your 'naughty' horse.

Every barn has one... Slightly unnerving when they get aggressive and your not expecting it! Hope he doesn't get into too much trouble while you are on vacation.

Paint Girl said...

He really is naughty, isn't he? I hope he minds his manners while you are on vacation so you don't get any of those phone calls!

Grey Horse Matters said...

Love the picture. Guess you'll just have to sit him down and read him the riot act before you leave.
I think he's funny and shows great initiative, he's probably bored and knows he's smarter than everyone else. Funny horse.

The only way to avoid those calls is turn off the phone.

allhorsestuff said...

Oh my gosh..I am giggling to beat the band..I am sorry..I thought my mare was a problem..she pales in her bay coloring, compared to his antics I'd say!Oh my...gotta love him though! Those horns you put on him rahter look like red peppers too!
I hope you cvan relax while on vaca..and I hope he is a good boy(tee he right)

Karma Anais said...

Great work on his picture. I honestly don't think I could handle the anxiety of waiting for the next phone call. Good thing there is a horse for every personality.

A Bay Horse said...

I'd turn the phone off but then I'd wonder what I'm missing...!

When I got him - well let's just say - he had worn out his welcome with his previous owner and was at an auction where some burnt-out horses go to slaughter. A friend told me about him and played matchmaker. I said to her "Isn't he too much horse for me?" She said "He's the right horse for you. You'd be bored with less horse." Took me a while but now I think she was right.

Some day I'll need to write up the whole story of how I got him. It's pretty long and sordid. It's a small community around here so I'm nervous about being too open. :)

HorseOfCourse said...

Hilarious! Both the description and the picture!
I guess it is not so fun being the owner of the "menace" though. But you do get some good stories to share!

Jumper said...

I love the picture!

Im new to this blog, I've just been reading your other posts.

Armani better behave while your on vacation!